Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Tue, 17/11/2009 - 16:57
I struggle off and on. I feel I need to be composed and together for my darling. My partner was diagnosed a week ago with cervical cancer. I try not to be too much of a blubbering mess. Tomorrow we will find out what the chemo and possible surgery schedule is. I lost my father when I was three and my step father when I was 31 so I am no stranger to the difficulties of treatment. Some days I would just like to put the whole illness thing away and have a rest from it. All our friends are strong and positive and helpful. But lately I feel upset and angry, but don’t think it is fair to show it as the positive thought attitude is so important. I feel that I am being selfish and self absorbed. I AM NOT THE ONE WHO IS ILL!! I still struggle with the intense emotion of it all. Anyone had a similar experience?
Iain
Wed, 18/11/2009 - 22:11
#2
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hello Jules
Thanks so much for your input. I am now less angry, feel more balanced. Your comments and the input of others have helped me gain more perspective. I feel a little embarrased really! At the time though the frustration and suffering is very real.
Regards Iain
Wed, 18/11/2009 - 22:44
#3
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hiya Iain
GLad to hear you are feeling less angry and more balanced. 
I hope you dont feel embarrassed as we all go through times that are tough and yes our feelings are very real, along with suffering. I cried while the oncologist came to my room and i couldnt stop crying. I laugh about that now. At the time i sobbingly told him i would be ok, i was just having a sad morning. haha I just feel that what we experience and feel as we go through all of this is natural and normal. It is when the feelings etc... go beyond that point that we need to worry.
take care
Julie
Fri, 20/11/2009 - 23:06
#4
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hi Iain.
There's no need to feel embarrassed. You're experiencing something that is terrifying and out of your complete control.
Of course, you need to be positive, but sometimes its ok to have a meltdown and become a blubbering mess.
I used to do it when my husband was out. But sometimes I had no control over my feelings and reactions. I used to get the runs eveytime I heard the oncologist's voice in the Oncology Day Centre!
My friends were beautiful and compassionate, however, they held their partners in bed at night, not feeling the horror thatI felt. They get to walk away from the disease and its friends, while we are immersed in it.
Iain, it's ok to fall, as long as you get back up and keep moving forward.
Sending you positive vibrations.
Wed, 25/11/2009 - 21:22
#5
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Thank you for the positive vibrations. I appreciate them as well as the response and support. Iain
Tue, 01/12/2009 - 06:17
#6
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
I can relate to how your feeling. I have been going through the same range of emotion since discovering that my partner has hodgkins 2 weeks ago. i have come to realise that feeling selfish is totally normal and although it is not us that is sick it still has a huge impact on us as well being that it is someone so close who is ill. ive now learnt not to try and hide these feeling and that talking to someone about every single little feeling really does help and that no matter what the feeling whether it be feeling helpless, angry or even positive is just a range of normal emotions and with time things should get easier for both you us and our partners.
Wed, 02/12/2009 - 08:39
#7
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Thanks for your response. I appreciate your thoughts, comments and heartfelt feelings.
Tue, 01/12/2009 - 23:58
#8
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hey blushn_raindrop,
Hats off to you for realising so early in this journey that you need to be honest with your feelings.
I am still coming to terms with it and we have been on the 'cancer' road since February!
Our loved one may have cancer in their body, we as partners/lovers/children etc have it in our lives. A diagnosis has a HUGE impact on everyone in the 'household'.
Best wishes to you both,
Mrs Elton
Thu, 10/12/2009 - 00:55
#9
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Was so great to find your post, my partner was diagnosed with bowel cancer a month ago and lately I have been feeling the same as you angry and wishing for our old life back,every aspect of our life has changed and it doesn't feel fair. I noticed these posts are from a while ago so was wondering how you are dealing with it now... any pointers? Its just not something I feel comfortable talking to frineds or family about
Thanks
Thu, 10/12/2009 - 10:53
#10
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hello Jann
I am very pleased that you could relate to my post. It makes it so worthwhile to risk and put your feelings out there. I have been repaid so many times. In response to your question some days are better than others. Yesterday we ended up in casualty as my Wife could not stop throwing up after chemo and was becoming dehydrated. Things are fine now, well fine as they should be moving toward the wellness state. Some days I just want to put everything down and have a rest and I DO FEEL ANGRY. My outlet is playing music, I play the electric bass and cello. I find playing music very relaxing and is good selfish ME TIME . I am going to start playing gigs again and putting back into myself so I can keep putting out. It sounds simple but I didn’t realise how drained I was. Do you have something selfish that you can do for yourself? And just for yourself? It could help you with your anger. It has certainly helped me.
Take care of yourself
Regards Iain
Thu, 10/12/2009 - 10:58
#11
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hiya Iain
Just read your reply. My son has had problems with depression and anxiety over the past 5 years. In the past year or so he has taught himself how to play guitar and now writes music (all by ear, as he cannot read music yet). He has found music such an incredible benefit to him and i was really glad to read you have found something for "you".
take care
Julie
Sun, 13/12/2009 - 19:40
#12
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
haha Iain funny you should say that, my partner was a keen rugby player and now wont be playing next season and ever since Ive known him he has wanted to learn the guitar so guess what he is getting for xmas this year!!!!!! Still trying to figure out what my outlet will be, struggling a bit at moment.I had been looking forward to xmas with my family interstate, the first one in five years but on friday we had the first oncology appointment since his surgery and they are starting chemo this week so those plans have now been put on hold. Anyway thanks for being an ear for me, I'm 24 and although no one at any age wants to talk about cancer I find a lot of my friends just blow me off when I really feel like talking which makes it worse, not sure how others deal with this reaction??
Thanks again
Jann
Sun, 13/12/2009 - 19:45
#13
Re: Just found out last week my wife has cervical cancer
Hiya Jann
Not many friends can "deal" is what i have found when it comes to talking to them about cancer. Of course some are just very selfish and others just dont understand. It is important to have someone that you can talk frankly with and i think if i didnt have some people in my life that i could talk that way with, then i would seek out some professional counselling.
bfn
Julie
Hiya Iain
The people who have helped care for me have felt exactly the way you have. It is different for everyone involved with someone who has a cancer diagnosis. In some ways it is more difficult for people who are caring, in that they often feel helpless and not sure what they can do to help the person that is diagnosed. This is just my perspective and i have cancer and just looking at what my family and friends have had to go through.
Hope you can get rid of the anger soon, perfectly normal to feel that way by the way.
Julie