I feel so alone
Fri, 16/09/2011 - 05:58
OMG what has just happened. 3 days ago I was a normal 60 year old enjoying life and my grandkids. Today I feel like I have been hit by a 10-ton truck. I can't stop crying - I just feel so alone. I have a wonderful network of family and friends but I still feel alone. I am imagining the most terrible things and cannot breathe - and they tell you stay calm and try not to be stressed. OMG -
Sun, 19/02/2012 - 19:32
#2
Re: I feel so alone
xxxxx
Fri, 16/09/2011 - 14:58
#3
Re: I feel so alone
I am 60 and was diagnosed with a head and neck cancer just over a year and a half ago. At first it is unbelievably hard but hopefully with treatment things will start to look better.
As Peanutz said keep posting.
Fri, 16/09/2011 - 16:59
#4
Re: I feel so alone
Hi there Locky,
as Peanutz and Silly have said, blog about it.
I know its a cliche however time is the only element that adjusts your view of the world and your diagnosis. Its difficult at the time of diagnosis because you are overwhelmed by information.
We (c/connections) are ordinary people like yourself and we all understand.....just blog away and say everything and anything. There is no judgement here.
One thing is for sure though, you will take 2 steps forward and 10 steps backwards.....however you are moving forward slowly......keep the focus on moving forward.
Oh most importantly, be kind to yourself.....don't push yourself, love yourself with your grankids, walking or hobbies. It doesn't matter if you can't concentrate for too long, the important step is that you applied yourself....
Also stay away from the internet. Your diagnosis and treatment is individual like you. Stories on the internet are other persons individual diagnosis and treatments....trust me, I scared the life out of myself.
Take care
Mon, 19/09/2011 - 22:35
#5
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Locky,
I think it hits most of us like that. In the early days of confusion it can be hard to know what to do. I think the crying is part of the shock. When I was fIrst diagnosed the doctor who gave me the news had some valuable advice - some of which has been reiterated here. He told me not to try to figure out what to do without all the facts, not to search through the internet where I would find so many conflicting views. He told me to wait till I had spoken to the specialists and had a clear idea of my individual circumstances before I tried to make sense of it. Then I would be in a position to make a plan and gain some control over my life.
In the mean time, putting your thoughts and fears down here, and finding that others have felt the same way at some time, can help when you can't tell your family and friends.
Take care
Mon, 23/01/2012 - 19:38
#6
Re: I feel so alone
Locky
I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer. Terminal. I have lost all my friends. All my family. Everyone. My father knew for 2 years I was dying and didnt try to make contact. My 2 sisters have not called or spoken to me in 3 years. My friends are the same. My best friend of 35 years turned out to be a fraud. We no longer speak.
My sisters have tried to turn my mother against me as well. I am a broken man. At 52, I thought my life would not end up like this.
They all make out that I am to blame. I am bedridden and in constant pain but I am to blame. I cant comprehend this. I dont know what I have done. Even my wife of 25 years and my 2 boys 18 and 21 have kept their distance from me. I have been a good father, husband and friend. It all started when I was shot in the line of duty a few years ago and nearly died. Everyone started to push me away. Then the cancer. No one wanted anything to do with me. I have no more tears. Just overwhelming pain and heart break. I need help and advice. This is killing me but I want to die now. I want to be at peace. Dear god someone help me. Please. ashes
Mon, 23/01/2012 - 20:57
#7
Re: I feel so alone
Ashes,
Can I suggest that you see your local GP and complete a GP mental health check? This, with a referral, is what you need to be able to get to see a clinical psychologist.
Just a suggestion. It's what I did.
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 16:07
#8
Re: I feel so alone
hi Ashes God Loves You no matter what happend to you,have pationt and love for lord and he answer you ,I am a good friend and love to listen to your Pains and help you as much as i can
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 16:07
#9
Re: I feel so alone
hi Ashes God Loves You no matter what happend to you,have pationt and love for lord and he answer you ,I am a good friend and love to listen to your Pains and help you as much as i can
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 16:08
#10
Re: I feel so alone
hi Ashes God Loves You no matter what happend to you,have pationt and love for lord and he answer you ,I am a good friend and love to listen to your Pains and help you as much as i can
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 22:17
#11
Re: I feel so alone
Bahareh
This site is meant to be for cancer sufferers. Not for people pushing their own agendas and talking about god.
You dont know anyone and whether they are athiest, bhuddist. muslim or catholic so to be so pushy with your beliefs especially to people who are dying of cancer, is an insult.
If god loves us so much why did he give us cancer? Why does he make us suffer daily.
Hope you dont take this the wrong way but if you want to help me then PLEASE do not talk to me about god and his bullshit love. Please dont talk to me at all.
Thanks
Ash
Mon, 23/01/2012 - 20:58
#12
Re: I feel so alone
locky
I agree with the comment about blogging it. It is useful to have somewhere you feel that you have a voice. We are here to listen. I know that, when I was diagnosed, this place was a very useful forum for me. It helped me get through those early days and it still helps when I need it now.
Tue, 24/01/2012 - 04:22
#13
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Locky
Thanks for you reply. And your advice. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a couple of years now since I was shot. It has been helping me deal with the post traumatic stress and loss of my career. He has also been helping me deal with having terminal cancer.
The bottom line is there is nothing that anyone can say or do that can change anything.
Except that it helps to talk to someone. I am a very strong person and have dealt with alot of dramas in my short life. I am too strong to ever take my own life but I pray daily for it to end. You must understand that there is no reprise from the daily pain and loneliness. There is no chance of a cure. My fate is sealed. How does anyone deal with that? Sorry to be so negative. It's just how I feel.
So many people give advice after they have beaten the cancer and are in remission. Sure they have been through it all but its different when you have a finite time to live.
It's now 430am and time for pain killers. Its actually funny when you think about it!
Tue, 24/01/2012 - 15:21
#14
Re: I feel so alone
Dear Ashes, never apologize for being negative, you have every right to be.
This is a good place to just be...to just say it how it is..
My heart goes out to you.
Cheers Mignon
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 05:38
#15
Re: I feel so alone
Thanks Mignon. Your words are apppreciated.
Ash
Tue, 24/01/2012 - 14:14
#16
Re: I feel so alone
I am 57 and having treatment for multiple myeloma. Talk to me.
H
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 05:46
#17
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Harker
Thanks for your reply. Its been hard to find and talk to people with MM as you probably know. There are so many different cancers and MM has its own unique qualities.
What is your history? And your prognosis? What Meds are you on? Where are your tumours?
I have had Chemo, Radiotherapy and a Bone Marrow Transplant using my own marrow. So far this hasnt helped. I have been on Thalidamide for a year or so as well as Morphine, Methadone, Oxycontin and a host of other pills to help with the many side affects of the cancer and the different pills. Its like going around in circles.
Looking forward to speaking further.
Regards
Ash
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 01:33
#18
Re: I feel so alone
Hi
Just touching base. Hope you are doing ok and the Velcade is doing its job.
As my Onc said yesterday, there are always different treatments so never give up. Different things work for some and not others.
In response to your 'writing', while I was recovering from being shot a few years ago, I decided to put some thoughts and feelings down on paper. This turned out to be an autobiography that I have tried to get published. Its called 9 Lives and talks about my past, many policing stories and injuries and my views on politics, religions, women etc. It was actually very easy to write.
It finished on a 'high' note but then was diagnosed with MM a few months later. So I guess the book has more to go. I just dont have the energy or ambition to keep writing right now. Maybe this will pass. Maybe not. All I know is that my 9 lives are used up. This time I have to be very careful.
Till later
Ash
Tue, 24/01/2012 - 17:01
#19
Re: I feel so alone
Hi All,
Felix and I just wanted to drop in at this point and acknowledge that there have been some pretty difficult issues being discussed in this thread. I think it demonstrates how complex and challenging things can be when cancer is in the picture, especially when it happens alongside already difficult times.
We also really wanted to acknowledge the wonderful support that we see happening here – I am so glad that this community has identified itself so strongly as a place where people can just say it “how it is”, and that they will be listened to and not judged.
There have already been some great suggestions about strategies etc, but we did want to make sure that people (including future readers of this thread) were aware of some of the other supports available.
Cancer Council Helpline - 13 11 20 (opening hours vary across the states)
Lifeline 13 11 14 (24 hour service)
Your local GP
Emergency – 000 (24 hours)
Family Relationship Advice Line – 1800 050 321 (24 hours)
Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Helpline 1800 200 526 (24 hours)
Men’s Line – 1300 78 99 78 (24 hours)
Kids Helpline (5 – 25 years) 1800 551 800 (24 hours)
Importantly, keep talking and sharing - this is what Cancer Connections is here for!
Warm Regards,
Kate and Felix
Cancer Connections Admin Team
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 05:39
#20
Re: I feel so alone
Thanks Kate and Felix. Your advice is greatly appreciated.
Ash
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 08:28
#21
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Locky
I feel your pain, and I fully understand when you say you feel so alone. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it any better but this is a great community and very supportive so you found a great place to be!
Keep talking, they have fantastic ears around here!!
Best of luck to you, you hang in there ok?
Wed, 25/01/2012 - 08:28
#22
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Locky
I feel your pain, and I fully understand when you say you feel so alone. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it any better but this is a great community and very supportive so you found a great place to be!
Keep talking, they have fantastic ears around here!!
Best of luck to you, you hang in there ok?
Thu, 26/01/2012 - 21:42
#23
Re: I feel so alone
I think we have all felt/feel the same.
Family and friends try to say all the right things like "stay positive" its all going to be ok. This sometimes seems to be for there own benefit i feel. Yes I am trying to stay positive, but this cancer is happening to me, and its very real for me.
I made a mistake last night, I have been wanting a little dog to keep me company. My kids were also excited, so we ended up going onto gumtree and went and saw and brought home a gorgeous little maltese from just around the corner.
However, i didnt take into account the amount of "work" involved and was just after the companionship.
this dog was gorgeous, but after a few hours he ended up chasing my daughters bunny which now has a sore foot. I feel really bad and keep beating myself up about it and feel very "selfish" for putting my family and other pets in this situation. We rang the owner and took him back, I told her that he really belongs with her as she and he have such a strong soul connection so it was actually something that turned around an ugly situation as she is now keeping him.
So now Im questioning myself, is my cancer making me a selfish person who doesnt give a damn about things? I am crying as I write this as if you knew me before cancer, I am the most unselfish giving person out there. Have I changed and is this the new me?
Fri, 27/01/2012 - 14:16
#24
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Jax,
Yep, the first thing family, friends said to me was Stay Positive, and yeah you try to, but yep its not happening to them, its happening to yourself. Its good to have people around who care, etc,
Do not feel bad about an animal not working out in your family environment, these things happen to anyone and you had the best intentions at the time so that is not being selfish at all.
I have myself been going through periods of anger, (more at the cancer)and not giving a damn. I think that is only natural and a part of dealing with having your life turned upside down in a heartbeat. Do not question yourself, just be. You have not changed, your just dealing with a crap card dealt, that is all. Stay strong to yourself, cry all you want, you are definitely not alone there.
Hugs.
Fri, 03/02/2012 - 11:17
#25
Re: I feel so alone
Thinking of you, how are you traveling today?
Regards mignon
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 00:58
#26
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Mignon
Thanks for the message. It came at the perfect time. I have been feeling low so it was nice to hear from someone out of the blue like that who cares and knows how it feels.
I guess that's one of the good things about these forums. All we want is a bit of real support and understanding. Not just words and empty advice. So I am feeling OK now. Thanks. Getting a bit sleepy so off to bed soon hopefully for a few good hours rest.
I watched Sound of Music tonight for what seems the hundredth time. I love it. I have a fond memory of seeing it in Salzburg in 1986 after taking our own 'tour'. as we were backpacking but had a cheap car, we decided to follow the tour bus so we could see all the Sof M sites. Except we lost the bus in traffic!! Anyway got to see them all eventually followed by watching the movie. It was a great day. It was hot and sunny and so much fun. When we woke the next day it was snowing . Go figure mother nature. More great memories. Its these memories that help me through but at the same time bring me down. I cant do any of these things any longer so I get to feel sorry for myself. I know. At least I have done them. I guess the hard part is remembering good friends from the past who have cut me loose in the present. Oh well.
I hope you are doing well. And your family. Enjoy every day and make it count because as you know, many of us cant do that.
Thanks for keeping in touch.
Ash xoxo
Sun, 05/02/2012 - 08:01
#27
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Ash,
Just been having a quiet sob reading your posts. (I'm pretty fragile at the moment, in isolation away from my babies, but that's another story & this is about you!)
How are you going this morning? Hope you had a good nights sleep and that those beautiful memories came back to life in your dreams.
Have you had a go at your so called best friend? I found support in funny places and was amazed that the old best friend went MIA on me also. I let the silence go for a good 8 weeks before finally getting so sick of thinking / hurting about her and I rang and gave her a big piece of my mind. She apologized and cried, I didn't care much about her.. I realise now as much as I personally really miss our friendship it will never be the same again because the hurt went to deep and I can't fathom how some people can be so god dam selfish and insensitive to other people - other people who are supposed to be their nearest and dearest.. So anyway having a go cleared my mind a bit, she is still trying to right things but I'm happy to sit back and make no effort - too little too late hey..
A bloke who I went to school with died last year from cancer (27) I've always kept in touch with his older sister but were never really close, well since he died we have spoken regularly on the phone and just are a whole lot closer because I just kept checking in on her - she was so thankful and told me how a lot of her friends had dissapeared because it was too awkward and hard for them.. I couldn't believe it then and I remember thinking oh wow that really sux but im sure that wouldnt ever happen to me.. Ha. Fast forward six months and I am here. (& she is here for me now!)
I have far too much time this morning.. Isolation will do that won't it ha.. Feel like I could ramble all morning.
Anyway, don't know where you are all from but I'm here in Sydney and I can finally see sunshine out the window, wish I could get out there and soak it up, will go and have a shower and watch the sunshine out the window - Ash, I'll leave you with a little tale of my surrounds.. In concord hospital they have the isolation room in the geriatric ward (ha at first I thought shit why did they do that to me it sux enough to be in here - its really because the radioactive me cant hurt them) but It sure is actually giving me a giggle sometimes.. There's a gorgeous old bloke across the hall who is quiet as a mouse all day long but come night time he starts singing lalala lalala and he does it ALL night, that would be a bit annoying if it wasn't broken up by the little old lady in the next room who every hour or so starts chanting "no more singing, no more singing" and then because she is calling out to him another little old lady wakes up, who has reverted back to childhood it seems and she calls out to mummy.. I've launched out of bed a few times thinking one of my kids needed me!! It doesn't sound so funny writing it down but I'm sure I'd be singing lalala myself if it wasn't for the sounds of these beautiful old souls struggling along and dealing with their life's path..
Hope I've given you a little smile to start the sunny day.. I dont Know if it at all possible for you but i hope you can Go grab your wife and borek (borek- iPhone really?!) tell her rather that you love her and tell her to take you for a drive.. Sit in a park and just breathe.
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 09:50
#28
Re: I feel so alone
Hi
Thanks for your email. Just a quick note to say I will send you a long message later. I am not too well at present but really wanted to touch base with you.
You certainly are a wonderful mum!
Take care and will talk later.
Ash
Mon, 06/02/2012 - 16:08
#29
Re: I feel so alone
Hey. No need for a big ramble (unless you feel like it, then I'm all ears!) I hope you are feeling better soon, and I wish there was something practical I could do to help.. For me helplessness is life's worst feeling, hate seeing or hearing of suffering that I can't fix.
Hope your day has gotten better, hang in there mate.. And just know that I am thinking of you and sending positive vibes (ha ha sounding like an old hippy lady!) probably not the best idea, forget the vibes since my vibes are radioactive I best keep them to myself hey!
Xo
Fri, 10/02/2012 - 21:33
#30
Re: I feel so alone
Hi so glad i persisted till the end of your story - a big thanks to your words of wisdom, now im crying. I have found that the hardest thing to cope with is other peoples reactions to which I have now realised that yes they do want you to be back to "normal". Why? my theory is this - they just want it all over because its just too hard for them, they dont know what to say or how to act, they cry, they want their friend etc back - well that isnt reality is it. It would just be easier for all concerned to just get over it - but they didnt go through the pain and all the crazy shit that happens in your head. When is it over when is it that we can act normal, never, everything has changed. Yes life will never be the same I hope that it can be better more forfilling.
But right now the pain I feel, the grief, the loss of what my life was supposed to look like is not helped my people around me WAITING for things to get back to normal. Why cannt they just ask how are you today? Sorry I seem to be venting now - bring alone is not so bad, i like the peace and quite and have hope that I can oneday find a friend that can be a friend and letb me do the crying!
Sat, 11/02/2012 - 07:17
#31
Re: I feel so alone
Dear Smelling theroses,
I agree with you 100% about the reactions of other people.
My life will never be the same again, and I have not had cancer but caring for my daughter has changed my life forever.
Loving friends at the time just didn't get it, were afraid to ask, and of course now that she is 5 years "all-clear", no-one even recalls anything. It is still with me everyday, every ad on TV, every charity ride etc, etc.
I have been seeing a shrink since November for depression and he feels that I will never resolve the depression until I "let" go of my daughters illness. LET GO. What a joke.
My life is seen in terms of " before she got sick" and "after she got sick".
And , in a strange, way, I don't want to let go. I nearly lost my beautiful girl. I am here as her mother , to validate all that she went through, when she cant recall the trauma of that period in her life. Now I am venting!!!
Anyway, this is a great place to vent, because someone will probably "GET" it.
I hope you have a better day today dear friend.
Mignon
Sat, 04/02/2012 - 00:58
#32
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Mignon
Thanks for the message. It came at the perfect time. I have been feeling low so it was nice to hear from someone out of the blue like that who cares and knows how it feels.
I guess that's one of the good things about these forums. All we want is a bit of real support and understanding. Not just words and empty advice. So I am feeling OK now. Thanks. Getting a bit sleepy so off to bed soon hopefully for a few good hours rest.
I watched Sound of Music tonight for what seems the hundredth time. I love it. I have a fond memory of seeing it in Salzburg in 1986 after taking our own 'tour'. as we were backpacking but had a cheap car, we decided to follow the tour bus so we could see all the Sof M sites. Except we lost the bus in traffic!! Anyway got to see them all eventually followed by watching the movie. It was a great day. It was hot and sunny and so much fun. When we woke the next day it was snowing . Go figure mother nature. More great memories. Its these memories that help me through but at the same time bring me down. I cant do any of these things any longer so I get to feel sorry for myself. I know. At least I have done them. I guess the hard part is remembering good friends from the past who have cut me loose in the present. Oh well.
I hope you are doing well. And your family. Enjoy every day and make it count because as you know, many of us cant do that.
Thanks for keeping in touch.
Ash xoxo
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 07:15
#33
Re: I feel so alone
Hi...I am new to this community (have had 2 cancers in 4 years)...have a question for all of you ...Has anyone found therapy really helpful? I am wondering if I had a lame therapist and should try someone else ..she was ok with normal day to day problems..but CLUELESS about how to handle some of my problems from the 2 cancers her suggestion for coping with severe anxiety waiting for PET scan results..."just try to relax and take a nap"
Wed, 08/02/2012 - 07:15
#34
Re: I feel so alone
Hi...I am new to this community (have had 2 cancers in 4 years)...have a question for all of you ...Has anyone found therapy really helpful? I am wondering if I had a lame therapist and should try someone else ..she was ok with normal day to day problems..but CLUELESS about how to handle some of my problems from the 2 cancers her suggestion for coping with severe anxiety waiting for PET scan results..."just try to relax and take a nap"
Sat, 11/02/2012 - 18:14
#35
Re: I feel so alone
Hi Dancing Julie
I have been seeing a counsellor since last February. She has been very helpful. I think the more important thing is just having somewhere I can talk rather than getting actual advice. Sometimes she talks about her theories on whatever and I wish she would be quiet so I could talk.
I practically never cry when I'm by myself but I have cried buckets while talking to the counsellor. I think that is a good healthy thing.
The last few months I have not needed to cry and I am spreading the appointments further apart.
If you don't feel like your therapist is helping then you should probably try someone else. There are therapists who specialise in cancer patients - maybe you should try to find one of them.
Sun, 12/02/2012 - 05:06
#36
Re: I feel so alone
HI Locky, I was diagnosed 9mnths ago with inoperable therefore terminal pancreatic cancer. It is very scary & no matter the amount of friends you have it is still very lonely. I can make no comment on your diagnosis as I don't know exactly what it is however if you want to connect with people that have your cancer type I have found a great American website that gives you so much more information and help than ours does. the address is as follows www.cancercompass.com
I wish you all the best but just keep talking to us all.
Merelyn
Thu, 16/02/2012 - 14:38
#37
Re: I feel so alone
Hi All,
The Admin Team welcome the sharing of cancer-specific resources by community members on Cancer Connections, however it is very important that when a third-party website is recommended - particularly those based overseas - that users are aware of who owns and manages that service.
CancerCompass is an online information and communications service provided by Cancer Treatment Centers of America, Inc. and has direct affiliations and commercial arrangements with Treatment Centres and Health Professionals in the United States.
Cancer Connections is an Australian service, provided by Cancer Council NSW in collaboration with other state Cancer Councils. It has no commercial affiliations, and is designed to allow people affected by cancer to support one another by sharing their experiences, knowledge and individual perspectives.
Cancer Connections does not offer comprehensive information or medical advice and Community members requiring such information are encouraged in the first instance to contact their GP or treating doctor or the Cancer Council Helpline on 13 11 20 in their home State or Territory.
Each State and Territory Cancer Council also offers detailed information and access to a wide range of locally accessible services and resources via their respective websites. Links to these and other resources are available here:
www.cancerconnections.com.au/content/resources-and-emergency-contacts
Kind regards,
Felix & Kate
Cancer Connections Admin Team
Perhaps, talk about how you feel may help. We are here to listen to you.