How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing about cancer and live life?
Sun, 20/06/2010 - 08:03
My boyfriend Mike was just diagnosed with TCC. He has really been six for about six months and seems to be declining pretty quickly. I still go to work and talk to people but it seems like all I think about, obsess about, is CANCER. We are either talking, reading stuff on the internet, filing out paperwork or preparing for appointments. It is my first thought in the morning and my last before sleep. HElp!
Mon, 21/06/2010 - 01:47
#2
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
I almost feel it is obsessive but I understand what you are saying. Maybe we will be better when we get a prognosis and treatment plan. Too much is up in the air right now. Thanks for replying.
Glenda
Tue, 22/06/2010 - 13:59
#3
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
Hi Glendalee.
I think that is the crux of the situation. Everything is now up in the air. Life as you knew it is no more. That word 'cancer' just shakes and scares people so much. Getting through it and over it with as much information as you can get, seems the best way for some, it did for me. I wanted to know everything and hopefully in that everything, I would find something that would ease the pain and uncertainty of the time ahead. Read and talk and learn as much as you can-if that helps. What is happening now is the most important thing to you at this time. Knowing what the prognosis is, unfortunatelly still leaves room for uncertainty.But going through it together with the sick person, is a better way to be rather than on ones own.
Mon, 21/06/2010 - 10:19
#4
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
Hi,
This is what we call the rollercoaster ride, Dont overload yourself with to much info as most things you do read are trials etc, when i was first DX with Brain cancer thats all I did and nearly turned me into a lunatic, things will generally settle down as time goes on and try and do the things that make you happy( easier said than done) but i assure you it will even it self out eventually!!!! Im 18 months into my cancer, had 4 major ops, 7 stays in pulic hospital for pain and countless MRIs but now only starting to get back to some sort of normal behavior and do try to go on a quiet holiday, My family and I went to Lord Howe Island a few months ago and that really turned me around, so quiet and kept busy riding, snorkelling,walking and just plain relaxing.
All the best Warrior Woman
Tue, 22/06/2010 - 03:03
#5
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
First my best wishes and prayers for healing of your cancer. I am sure you are right but now it seems all concusiimng. Today will be spend filling out all the incredible forms al the agencies have sent us. Tomorrow is filled with a visit to the oncologist. I am about to leave for 8 days to see my daughter's new born but will worry so much about him while I am gone. It helps just to talk to others in our situation. Thaks for replying.
Glenda
Tue, 22/06/2010 - 03:04
#6
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
First my best wishes and prayers for healing of your cancer. I am sure you are right but now it seems all concusiimng. Today will be spend filling out all the incredible forms al the agencies have sent us. Tomorrow is filled with a visit to the oncologist. I am about to leave for 8 days to see my daughter's new born but will worry so much about him while I am gone. It helps just to talk to others in our situation. Thaks for replying.
Glenda
Tue, 22/06/2010 - 03:04
#7
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
First my best wishes and prayers for healing of your cancer. I am sure you are right but now it seems all concusiimng. Today will be spend filling out all the incredible forms al the agencies have sent us. Tomorrow is filled with a visit to the oncologist. I am about to leave for 8 days to see my daughter's new born but will worry so much about him while I am gone. It helps just to talk to others in our situation. Thaks for replying.
Glenda
Tue, 13/07/2010 - 02:08
#8
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
I totally understand what your going through. I felt the same way when my father was DX back in February, and I felt I needed to know everything. I wanted to know what to expect. But I've learned that every situation is different. The human body is an amazing machine and you never know whats going to happen. Like Forrest Gump said "Life is like a box a chocolate, you never know what your going to get".
Tue, 13/07/2010 - 03:49
#9
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, learning asking ...
I think I am finally adjusting to how I need to deal with this and what works for me. What I am having a problem with now is how hard it is to explain to friends. Why I can't commit to things in the future as I never know what kind of day we are going to have on a day to day basis. And I wish people would stop trying to fix it and jsut listen to me.
Tue, 13/07/2010 - 17:54
#10
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
Hi Glendalee
I suppose that is what your friends want to do-they want to help and fix what is wrong with no real idea of how you feel or what YOU want. People find it hard to listen. They have 2 ears but seem to only use their mouths to say their piece. Most people cant listen, they need to solve others' issues. My advice would be to find someone who will and CAN listen even if that is Lifeline or a counsellor. They are meant to be impartial and you are the one who will do the talking-they WILL listen. WHy do you have to explain it all to your friends-just say Mike is sick and I need your friendship at the moment, just sit with me and lets listen to the wind(or something like that) just so they get the message that you will talk when you want to and not when they want. Does Mike want you to tell others about his illness? just a thought.It is the most difficult road to travel when you cannot help the sick person not have pain, or feel sick or feel like you cannot help in any way. Sometimes you cannot do anything for them just be there, as you need with your friends. Dont be scared to say you need friends to just be with you. Just sitting and crying together can be a very personal close experience.
I dont know how you are feeling Glendalee but I know how I felt. These thoughts are from me and what I would liked to have had when my dad was sick but did not. I hope you have good friends who can help in some way
Margaret
Sat, 17/07/2010 - 01:54
#11
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
Hey Glendalee,
Let me start buy saying I am so sorry to hear about your partners illness, how incredible hard it is to put all the information available to good use.
Let me start buy saying I am a survivor (4 year remission) and my partner is now (2 years remission), they were equally incrediblly dark times in my life. The informatio available inculdes all age groups and demographic so its hard to say whats right for the individual. My hisband was told he was 2 weeks from deaths door wnhen he had his life changing surgery, everything we looked at said it was aggressive and chances of survival low...we just stopped looking. We agreed to what information we felt was helpful and what was really self distructive, it really is a juggeling act.
I still say it was worse seeing my husband go through it than me, I felt so helpless. However, i was strong, positive and there very second I could be. Statictics can be limiting my husband defyed the odds, I totally believe you to can do it.
What an amazing strong survivor you are, knowing that extra support (yes even online) is going to make you a better support network for your hubby.
All the best to the both of you.
Amanda XX
Tue, 20/07/2010 - 04:02
#12
Re: How do you stop thinking, reading, leanring askiing ...
Thank you everyone for your support and insight. I have tried asking for what IU need fromk friends snd its like I must be talking so foriegn language because they still continue to do the same things. My best friend keeps telling me she is doing what I need but in reality she is almost always in fix it mode. I dont need a fixer but a good ear.
Thank goodness for sites like these.
my prayers to you all.
Glenda
Hi Glendalee
Not surprising - it is the most important thing in your life just now, so of course it is pretty much all that you think about. So unless you feel it is becoming obsessive don't worry.
cheers
Sailor
A collision at sea can ruin your entire day. Attrib Thucydides, 5th Century BC