Cancer and a sex life - WHATS THAT????

Hi Minidriver,

I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 3 years ago at the lovely young age of 31. Things do return to some kind of normal, it just takes time. There are are really difficult things your wife is dealing with right now, both emotionally and physically, it is difficult for you too, but giving her time to come to terms with what she is going through and understanding is really important. When some time has gone by and she is healing she will tell you when she is ready.

I hope that helps a bit. Its a touchy subject that most people dont want to talk about. The team looking after your wife will be able to help with any medical type questions you have & also the social workers are great. But I would say mostly just remember for the most part things can and do return to normal, just tell her you love her and offer her emotional support & the rest will follow in time. I had surgery, chemo and radiation and 2 kids to look after, that was exhausting, but I can tell you happily that things are just as great as they have always been but it took probably over a year for me to feel happy within myself again.

We have a group here on cc your wife might be interested in joining, here is the link.

http://www.cancerconnections.com.au/groups/gynaecological-cancer

Sox!!! Oops ...sorry....even forgot how to spell it. Sex! Not unmentionable at all. I guess I was probably about 3 months out before it even sort of crossed my mind..... I know that probably doesn't help you at the moment but as Vanessa says, let your wife take her time and be your guide. The poor old body has been poked and prodded enough during treatment and it's tough to start feeling like an "appealing" sexual woman again. Cold showers !!! It does get back to normal eventually but it's all about time.

G'day Minidriver

I hear what you are saying - its a bastard

I had a Radical Prostatectomy recently that was not nerve sparing. As a result I am unable to acheive an erection possibly for three years (a year to eighteen months without sex seems quite doable in my eyes.) To give you some idea (and now we are cutting to the chase) all the nerves responsible for the erectile function are shot to buggery and will take time to sort themselves out if they do at all. Nothing I or anyone else can do (and I mean in a personal private way) will help get an erection or even give me hope. Hell I cannot even go to the toilet standing up as there is not enough length to get out of my pants. Sheesh. And I am only 49

Added to that is the incontinence - well that just makes for a real dandy night between the sheets.

And I hear what you are saying about pills and potions. They hardly enhance a romantic night / day whatever. Added to that maybe the need for pumps or injections then a fair bit of the sponteneity goes away.

Now that I have embarrassed myself I had better stop. It seems that the big C has lots and lots of side effects. Its a pity that some of them are spoken about in such a roundabout way.

Do not give up - kiss, cuddle, squeeze, fondle. And yes, laughter is great

Good Luck

Kym

Hey Mini

Right now, my husband is having treatment every fortnight. Now, he's always had quite a high sex drive while mine seems to go in waves.
Of late, mine is dead in the water - I am far too tired and emotionally exhausted to contemplate sex much. Plus, my anti-depressants (for an anxiety disorder) seem to put a dampener on the good ole libido, yay for me.
What's weird is, hubby is the one having treatment, is tired beyond belief yet on his good week (non-chemo week), I have to bring out the headache excuse at least once LOL.
We, being newlyweds, should be shagging like bunnies but like others have said, Cancer Land really takes it out of you. Sex isn't really sexy when you have to worry about contraception so his chemo drugs don't affect me and my fertility, if you get my drift. Or I have to be careful not to touch his surgery scar on his tummy as it's still tender. Kinda takes the spontaneity out of it all.
I think sex for a lot of 'cancer couples' is about staying reconnected and keeping the intimacy alive, even when the body couldn't give a rats ass in a world where it's all very sterile, medical and matter of fact. Well, at least I think that's what it is for us.

Jo

oh amen to what you have written sailor in regards to "professionals". I could say more, however, its just not right to do so.

Julie

Hi Kym

The beauty of the internet is that there is a little red "x" up the top right hand corner of our screen and should we choose not to partipate in something we can exercise our democratic right and click it. I wouldnt stress too much, although in saying that i understand. I was feeling a little iffy as to how much detail etc...

I actually think this is a fantastic discussion.

The thing is with cancer is that we find ourselves with a "new us". We have to adjust and get used to how life is for us now and how it is going to be and sometimes it can be vastly different to how we used to be. Not always an easy thing and some parts of that are harder than others.

Cheers Kym and yes i think the sun is over the yardarm well and truely by now. Depending on when you read this of course.

Julie

Hi Everyone,
I swear everytime, I log in there is another post that makes me say 'we're not the only ones'. This is such a great sight to share experiences so honestly. Thank you everyone and thanks minidriver for having the courage to post this topic!!
Alana