being undersold
Tue, 13/03/2012 - 15:34
people who undersell people who hasn't had cancer don't know what they are chatting about and I don't know how to handle it. Will you help me please? I have my own mother (and sisters not interested) in WA telling me last year to shut up and she said it 3 times to me while visiting her over a month. What does this sound to you? Friends are the same to me who haven't had breast cancer. Glenys
Tue, 13/03/2012 - 22:28
#2
Re: being undersold
Hi Wombat,
Thanking you for your reply to me as it is so good for you to reply. It has put me into a situation of justifcation of how I feel and you are a darling to reply to me. I agree with it %100 or more but it is hard to deal with it. My husband has read it but can't understand it. He has prostate cancer and diabeties so will he understand me where he has had no surgery like me. Thanks again as I know anyone will help me on this wonderful web site. This is my tool to ask and I know I'll get a reply as all of you are so very nice people. Glenys.
Tue, 13/03/2012 - 22:51
#3
Re: being undersold
Hi Wombat,
Then I feel that where I can't get the surgery off my mind as it is strongly on my mind how do I cope with that please. I recent the part that where I went through the surgery and we all didn't deserve it. I have the medical procedures on my mind a lot.
Glenys x0
Wed, 14/03/2012 - 14:48
#4
Re: being undersold
Glenys,
It is difficult, but try if you can, focus on the positives and try not to be too stressed about the surgery.
None of us deserve this Glenys. When cancer touches a loved one, it is like all the family get it.
Try to calm your mind, focus on the things that bring nice memories, meditation is a way to calm your mind and body, it takes a bit of practice, but it can be done.
Think of all the things you will want to do when this is over, and it is just a memory, an unpleasant one, but a memory just the same
Sufferers and carers move into a different phase of their lives, they leave the pre cancer days behind to focus on this new challenge.
wombat4
Wed, 14/03/2012 - 20:54
#5
Re: being undersold
Hi Wombat,
Thanking you so much to what you have said to me. You are right as I do dwell on the surgery too much and it makes me cry. I cried and then fell asleep. When does it leave us to have a pleasent time in our lives? I feel good tonight as I have just rested on the lounge chair and dosed off for abour 3 hours this afternoon. How do we focus on a new challenge after surgery that I had 16 months ago. What cancer have you resisted and what kind of surgery too? Glenys
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 00:39
#6
Re: being undersold
Hi Wombat4,
How are you all?
It is hard to deal with as when you had ever dealt with it in your life. It is unpleasent to deal with it as it touches a woman's feminine side of things. Having breast cancer after a mastectomy it is under your nose. It stands out so much as you feel unattached, lop sided, flat without having a recontruction. When I have a shower it stands out like a soar thumb. if I go through a recontruction this would mean a 8 hour massive op for me. Glenys
Wed, 14/03/2012 - 21:44
#7
Re: being undersold
It wasnt me that had the cancer Glenys, it was my wife and soul mate of 40yrs.
I was her carer for 2yrs while she battled colorectal cancer.
She died 21/12/11.
My wife died, it is the carers, the loved ones that endure the never ending pain of the legacy of this insidious disease.
Life is not as precious as it used to be.
wombat4
Thu, 15/03/2012 - 21:30
#8
Re: being undersold
I am sorry wombat as I have been married for 38 years and my husband has cancer and it's coming up to 40 years for us too. Let me extend my sympathy to you and the family. You all must miss her a lot. yes it is the pain that we all feel when a loved passes away and it must be so personally cruel for you. She been gone for 3 months now and there is a lot of grief. Hope you have family and friends close by and I hope I can be there for you too as I would love to be. It is so good for you to help me out with the grief that you feel wombat. Thanking you so much. Glenys.
Wed, 14/03/2012 - 22:03
#9
Re: being undersold
I imagine that some of us don't understand what it's like to have any other illness of which we have no experience .We only know what it's like to have cancer if we have had it .We only know what it's like to be the carer for a person with cancer,if we have been a carer of a person with cancer.
Thu, 15/03/2012 - 23:37
#10
Re: being undersold
Thank you for your kind words Glenys.
You certainly have not been dealt with a good hand of cards with your husband also having cancer.
The fact that you have come to this site to express how you feel and to get support will make you feel better and make you stronger to deal with what lies ahead.
It is only people with this rat bag of a disease and their carers as well as the medical professionals, will mention cancer. The rest of the world are frightened even of the word and pretends it dosnt exist, it isnt for them. Until its is. Then their support and opinions change. Overnight.
Take care
wombat4
Fri, 16/03/2012 - 22:28
#11
Re: being undersold
I can say Amen to this when people who haven't experience can change over night. How would they respond to that then as they have been underselling us in the meantime.
My cousin Steve is coming down from Sydney over easter and will be staying with us for 4 days. he will be playing in the band nationals with his trumpet. Glenuys.0
Wed, 21/03/2012 - 13:28
#12
Re: being undersold
You are dead right about their opinions changing over night and where would they turn to if they aren't responding to us as we have had cancer or with a loved one too. It is hell that we go through till they respond to us. Then they'll understand with their experiences. Glenys 0
Fri, 16/03/2012 - 08:32
#13
Re: being undersold
Glenys,I just want to point out that I don't need anything from my son as my cancer is in remission at this time. I was only trying to say that my sons do not feel comfortable discussing my cancer.
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 00:23
#14
Re: being undersold
Hi Silly,
it's hard to deal with when you can't chat to anyone especially your family. How old is your son as if he is old enough to empthies with you. If you keep it in it wouldn' be healthy for you. Glenys
Sat, 17/03/2012 - 20:05
#15
Re: being undersold
i know what you mean, i have lost a lot of friends because of my fiances cancer... they dont understand and i put it down to all my friends being in their young twenties... we are 25 now but nobody still seems to get it.. i have had one friend say 'oh well someone has to get it'... some people are really clueless!
Tue, 20/03/2012 - 00:17
#16
Re: being undersold
it's cruel when others don't understand and you lose friends over it. When they are diagnosed who will they come too? When your friend said to you oh well someone had to get it and I agree with you that this is clueless of them to say it. They aren't untouchable with breast cancer which is the cancer that gets to women. it touches the feminine side of you. If you don't have a recontruction as I did it leaves you lop sided, flat, having a shower is emotional. half man half woman, and then not having feelings like this in your life. it's hard to deal with and others who haven't had this type of surgery can throw anything like a spanner in the works and make you so hurt. Remember they aren't untouchable so who will they run to if they need some help? Maybe they will say sorry to you and ask you for help. I feel let down tonight by my husband and son. It seems to me too that you are young person who has had breast cancer so I can say sorry to you as it must be so hard for you. I'm glad that I got breast cancer when I was 61 and beated it. Glenys 0
Sat, 17/03/2012 - 20:15
#17
Re: being undersold
Maddie,there will come,sadly, a time when they look back and understand.
Wed, 21/03/2012 - 14:41
#18
Re: being undersold
They certainly are clueless,
Last week I went to a service for a young man, dx with bowel cancer in 2010, it had already spread to lungs and liver. He was on palliative care straight away. He died in feb 2012. age 29.
If people think cancer is not for them and they shun people with it, or ridicule them. I say show compassion, you are not exempt.
1 in 2 people will get cancer in AU
It can knock on any door.
wombat4
Fri, 23/03/2012 - 00:31
#19
Re: being undersold
hell, poor thing and for him to have bowl cancer at 29 and it shows how people do react towards us if they don't understand or they are so strongly ignorent. It is so mad for them to not turn to us when we have the diagnoses. They would need compassion soon in their lives. Yes it can knock on any door. It's ashame to have them shun or ridicule and not show any compassion. I have a friend whose first wife died of advanced breast cancer and only 39 years old with young kids. His second wife says to me that the night mare is over so this means the surgery is over. She hasn't had any surgery like this but she is a midwife and she has done studies on mastectomies on these types of surgery. Anyone who thinks they can understand without having a diagnoses of breast cancer think they know everything. I have a good result so I haven't got anything to worry about. Colin is the one I must look after she says. Must go to bed as it is after 1am Glenys. 0
Tue, 01/05/2012 - 21:28
#20
Re: being undersold
Hi Everyone,
These comments are good with anyone having cancer as they don't like the word at any door. The are clueless and don't want any advice or help beforehand. They will understand when this happens to them and they will N E E D help then. They will be standing up shouting for help. Also are so chashed with the word cancer that they think it is not for them. Shielding themselves is for them and it's mostly that others don't chat. Boy if I was in that situation I would find some advice to seek help beforehand - would I? When I examed myself on my r breast near my arm pit and found that it was hard lump as hard as a pen and didn't like it I was curious to see the Doctor ASAP. These emotions are deeper than we think as Breascan rang me up to advice me not to go into the meeting tonight. This tells me a lot of the emotions with cancer. My son answered the phone so I will ring them up tomorrow. Glenys. 00
The people who have not been directly affected by cancer, either as a sufferer or a carer, cannot even begin to understand what it is like.
They cannot imagine what it is like to stare into the big black hole, where there was one a future and plans and dreams.
They just do not like talking about it. And your mother telling you to shut up about, was her way of telling you she has difficulty in realising what is happening to you.
It opens up our vunerability and give us emotions that we have never had to deal with in the past. In some cases we are people to avoid
It make us think that we cannot cope, and if we shut our eyes to it, and dont talk about it, well then it may just go away.
Some people cannot handle it, because it brings our mortality to front and centre and we have never had to deal with anything as confronting.
Wombat4