And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Sun, 05/06/2011 - 20:57
One week ago my sweet husband lost his 18 month battle with brain cancer (GBM). I am now a widow at 29 years old.
At first I just felt happy for him that he no longer had to suffer but it is getting so much harder to cope everyday. I don't think I will ever recover from this. Luckily our 2 year old son to keeps me going but I am just so gutted and empty and devastated.
What just happened to our beautiful life?
I want him back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sun, 05/06/2011 - 22:39
#2
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
im very sorry.. this must be so terribly hard for you.. theres a book about a young widow which id recommend.. its called wife interuppted by amy malloy.. its really good. My thoughts are with you through this hard time.. xo
Mon, 06/06/2011 - 19:21
#3
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
I am so sorry and I can understand the subject title !!!!!!
I agree give your son a hug kids make things brighter but it's a tough battle for you and feel free to vent here we all in someway are connected by this horrific disease.
Take care Rod
Thu, 30/06/2011 - 16:53
#4
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
I have been trying so hard not to think about what it is that you are going through right now because its far too painful. I hope and pray every day that I won't have to feel the Real hurt.
I know that time heals all (most) wounds Hopeful but that does not help you now. Nothing anyone says will take the pain away but hopefully it will provide you with some comfort and warmth.
My partner and I had our (second) wedding planned for early Oct and two weeks ago we were hit with devasting news. We wont wait till Oct now.
Take care Hopeful and cry and scream when you need to and lean on those who have a good shoulder.
xx
Tue, 05/07/2011 - 15:25
#5
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Yep, it really sucks, doesn't it. In time, it will get easier to "cope" with (sometimes, words are sooo inadequate. And you have every right to feel grief, anger, - your not abnormal there, your a person. You have your son, you have good memories to carry forward, to be able to give to him when hes older. And thats a good thing.
This is all terribly complicated isnt it - all this stuff we are suddenly hit with, never done it before,dont know what to do. Its not just a page in a book. Its happening. Just muddle along, do the best that you can, - its a horrible journey, a very individual one, I do honestly wish you well.
Hugs,
Andrew the oldhippy.
Wed, 20/07/2011 - 21:33
#6
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Hey Hopeful
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost the love of my life in May 2011, he had a GBM4 as well, he survived 12months and 1 day, so I am also a widow at 32. I totally understand and feel your loss.
I do not know how to go on, he was my everything, he was my world. You are blessed to have a beautiful baby boy that will always be a special part of you and your partner.
I have managed to go back to work, not by choice, money being a reason and needing to keep busy or I am a mess.
I am looking for support to get through this and to hear of other peoples experiences. I am not sure if this will help but I need something to help me carry on. The hurt, the pain, the anger of why is just getting too much.
Mon, 05/09/2011 - 15:47
#7
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
oh darling, I wish I had eloquent words for you to express how terribly sad I feel that you have to go through this heartache, i don't unfortunately have such words, all I have is my heartfelt words of understanding, not that I am at all suggesting its the same thing, because I know its nothing like losing your life and your soul, however,
I lost my dad a year ago and for my self it was hard to lose such a beautiful strong man. someone who had always been there for me, and now that I am going through this battle with my darling Fiancée, I don't think you ever get over the pain, it just seems a little easier to smile as time goes on, its weird but I find myself smiling at things i know my dad would find funny, or nice .. like the pale headed Rosella that sits on my back fence, my dad always wanted to have one because he loved the yellow colour of their faces, now when i see one i think of him and i smile and say out loud.. hey dad look at that, your favourite, i know he will hear me so i don't feel silly.
nothing any one can say will make you feel "better", but please know that we in some small way feel your pain with you and sharing how you feel by putting it down in writing will help you.
my thoughts and wishes for a time that you may feel peace and for a time where you will smile again.
sending you my very best wishes,
from Debstar
Mon, 12/03/2012 - 10:50
#8
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Hello dear, and today when I read this I felt so sad for you. My husband of 42 years will die in the next few months unless we get a miracle. You have not had this time with your partner, and it must feel like being 'cheated' in the worst way. All your hopes and dreams for the future are gone, and I like you will be so angry with the whole world. I have read everyone's comments and the only thing I would say is keep writing in,keep talking to friends and most of all keep talking to the one you have loved and lost because I really believe he hears you. In my prayers...good luck from Jeaneil
Mon, 12/03/2012 - 11:36
#9
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
One day you are walking in sunshine, dreams, plans, hopes, a wonderful future. Then all taken away in the blink of an eye. Devastation, at the diagnosis only begins to describe how we feel, and of course the question, how the hell did we end up here ? and then the caring, and then the terrible finality.
I wish I had answers, but I dont. My soul mate of 40yrs died 21 dec last, from colorectal cancer.
I was such a can-do person, so motivated, nothing too much trouble, and now..... its like being picked up and thrown into an abyss. No light, no sunshine, just emptyness.
Seek counselling, just to talk to people about it helps.
Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to express the trauma you are going through.
Your husband will come back to you in the love you had together, and the memories you both have, and of course your wonderful son.
Time may or may not blank out the pain, it is so soon for you, time may act as a sedative to numb the pain, but the lovely memories will still be there.
You are not alone in this.
wombat4
Tue, 13/03/2012 - 00:48
#10
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
I am shocked of your message to where your partner has passed away. I don't know what to say to you but I am sorry and you are not alone. Have you got family close by and friends that you can contact? Prayer is a good thing to know as God cares and loves you. Suffering in this world will end very soon. Glenys 00
Sat, 09/06/2012 - 20:34
#11
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Hi Hopeful,
Your husbands love made you who you are today. All of the experiences you shared together- falling in love, creating another life together, supporting him through his illness, coping with his death- they have all changed you. You'll never be the same person again that you were before you met him. The greatest love a person can ever feel, that between a mother and child, you have because of the love that you and him shared together. There will always be a part of you, your personality, your soul, that is the way it is because he was in your life. He may be gone now, but the impact that his love had on your life will always be with you. He will always be a part of you, a part of your son, and a part of everyone else who loved him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband...my grandfather recently passed away from GBM. My Nan is completely heartbroken. 
Hang in there
xo
Sat, 09/06/2012 - 22:21
#12
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
I can't add anything to what the others said that will help much. You last sentence says what you really want and I think that sums it up. It is all so new and it must seem as if you will never learn to live with the loss of your husband but in time things usually become easier. Gather support and accept help when you need it .
I am sorry that you have to go through this . Talking to your little boy and cuddling him will be a great comfort . I hope you have friends and family with whom you can talk also.
Sun, 10/06/2012 - 14:14
#13
Re: And now he is gone...what the f**k!
Hi Hopeful,
I was very saddened by reading your post. I have no words that could possibly make this pain or sorrow better. Such a horrible thing to happen and exactly - What the F@#K do u do now?? I can only imagine the pain you are enduring and have endured - to watch the person u love fade away. I guess you grieve and let that be whatever it maybe: sadness, anger, rage, happiness, relief, guilt, fear and acceptance. I hope and pray you find some peace soon and may your son be your light at this dreadful time.
Ruby
“Just when you think it can't get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can.”
Hug your son and let his little face light up your day when things get to much - little boys give the best cuddles
I wish I could say something inspirational to make you feel better.
Xx