3yrs on

Hello Margro, Thankyou for posting what you did as it gives others hope too that they can "outlive" a prognosis. I have stage 4 bowel cancer this has a 8-10% chance to get to 5 yrs. With 3 little children under 6yrs I am praying I get at least those 5 yrs if not more. I do feel like a sitting duck though, so I can definately empathise with what you are feeling. I was given 6mths to live and am now at almost 12 months and at the moment I have no active cancer on my last PET scan. But what you have posted gives me hope. Thank you Mihalo

Margro, how wonderful to hear somebody say how it is for them. I too have been struggling with the continuous positive speak. My husband has stage 4 Colon cancer and the outlook is not looking all that positive at this stage. While he has done the man thing and not really talks about all this, I have been struggling with my thoughts and feelings of anger, frustration, sadness and fear. While the importance of being positive cannot be over looked, I also know that the expression of the other feelings must be expressed also. I was really feeling like I was the only one in the world that was not coping with this dreadful time in our life. After counselling and speaking to a wonderful man, we came to the conclusion that the positive speak has taken place of the no talking at all about feelings. I have found that hitting the pillow, writing, and sitting in a bath of warm water and allowing myself to have a good cry works wonders. The anger and sadness do need to be expressed as they are normal feelings and when expressed appropiately allow for the day to move forward with some sunshine. Once again thank you for expressing your feelings in this forum. I am sure that it will give others some freedom with what they are feeling. Good luck with everything.

Hi Magro What you are feeling is perfectly normal - it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When you've been told the stats and they aren't fabulous, others can think you should be grateful that you've beaten the odds.  They don't get that even if cancer isn't a death sentence, it is a life sentence.  There are NO guarantees.My prognosis was always good and I'm 13 years down the track with no recurrence, but whenever people find that out they usually say, 'Oh, that's great - you're right then.'  These days I simply respond, 'yes, today I am.'  I think it scares them to think that having cancer and surviving isn't a guarantee of being cured or in permanent remission.  It certainly took me more than 3 years to get to where I am now, but I use the fact that I might have a recurrence as a spur to living life as fully as I can.  It's really important that you have someone you can talk to about your fears.  Unexpressed, these can actually make you sick.  I suggest that you if you don't already go to one, you join a support group that has at least some members who have finished active treatment.  You'll find that many of them still live with the fear (to a greater and lesser degree in each individual) that their cancer could come back.Hang in there, it does get better with time.  Although the monkey on your shoulder will probably never go away, it does become almost silent instead of screaming in your ear constantly.Jane

Being real isn't being 'negative'!  I have a personal aversion to all the 'be positive' stuff.  It makes me mad that cancer patients are always supposed to be 'up', as if that has some bearing on how healthy they are or will remain.  (Latest research shows that this is NOT the case.)I prefer to try and be optimistic as much as possible, but everyone has their ups and downs as part of being human so why should that be any different for cancer survivors?!Sorry about the rant, but this is a particular peeve of mine...

Stage 1 pc patient here,told I am cured,we will see.Had a very successful whipple in january all cancer removed and no nasties anywhere else. Iam scared, guilty but mainly confused. My wife has been my rock but still does not understand my reluctance to grab my surgeons very positive outlook on my future.I have read to much sometimes wish I had not. As has been said stats are terrible and its only 3 months since my op,long way till 5 years.

Hi Margro

Thanks for letting us know how you feel and thanks to all the others who have replied. Yes, I had a diagnosis of an aggressive cancer, and after the initial treatment I felt - wow! One year, two years, three years, all OK, then wham, back it came with a vengeance. More very experimental treatment, feeling good again for a few years, then back again - now with monotonous regularity - well it never actually goes away, just starts up again. Statistically I shouldn't be around, but I am, Just goes to show that statistics don't apply to the individual. I long ago got sick of everyone telling me I'll be fine - or s a friend of mine tells it 'living in the prison of the positive'. We really do get rewarded for being positive, so much so that we tend to put a positive spin on things - like Pavlov's dogs we become well trained. So I am all for being real - acknowledging that what we have may not continue so let's make the most of what we have.

Fiar winds and smooth seas to you all.

Sailor