What do I really think?

I'm writing because I want to know the answer to that question. Sometimes I am so close to knowing I can reach out and grab it, other times it has vanished inside a fog of chemicals, memories, daily routines and tiredness. So I'm writing to try and reconnect with what I really think.

I doesn't matter quite where I start, either. I've found along the way that for me it's best to just start writing and see what happens. It's like putting the kettle on. Well, sometimes I do forget to put water in and we all know what happens then. But mostly I get a cuppa out of it.

I am really noticing a big change at the moment. I am quite happy to be on my own. I don't feel I need to be running out the door all the time to get involved in social things, keeping in touch with a wide range of people, sharing an abstract idea of what an extended family should be.

I really am quite comfortable just sitting within myself a lot of the time. And because that hasn't been the case for me over the years I'm relishing it now. It really is a good healthy feeling.

I try and eat well, read, write, keep close to my few intimate male friends and pay attention to my relationship with my wife. It's so different for her since I got sick. She has a lot of adjusting to do. I'm enjoying making some space for her to do that. I'm happy working within my energy levels and enjoying what comes along day to day.

I think I'm doing OK right now. That's what i think.

I'm glad I've got that down.

H