Update on '2010?'
Thankyou again for your support.
I have been getting headaches again for about a week and just felt physically and emotionally unable to return to work this week so went to my local Dr and got a medical certificate. At the moment I can't see myself going back to work ever again. I still don't feel able to make major decisions yet. Hopefully this will change with time. I'm sitting around doing nothing of value each day but stangely I am feeling a bit calmer and enjoying just resting and the feeling of no pressure to be anywhere at a given time or having to do anything unless I want to.
I am trying to plan my days but fail to act on my plans when the new day dawns. I usually don't shower till after 12pm and just read and relax. People have said that I have had over 8 months doing nothing but this is not true....my body and mind spent that time fighting the chemo drugs, the affects of the radiation and the emotional side of my diagnosis. I was never comfortable, or well and never able to relax enough to enjoy reading, eating, sleeping, TV or any normal activity. It is just nice right now to be able to enjoy these things again at least some of the time. I told family after the Christmas celebrations that I needed to stop and just do nothing as I was feeling overwhelmed and very stressed about my obligations. And I am glad I have stuck to this and just had time in my house for myself. I am feeling that perhaps this is the way to go ......just do what I want and not commit to anything.....a bit isolating but perhaps for now this is just enough. Later I can think about maybe joining a support group or doing some voluntary work, restarting my gym membership and finishing setting up my new house. But being super lazy seems to be working for me right now. I think I have been just trying too hard to return to my old life. This is not necessarily what I should do. I should listen to my body and my mind and do what feels good 'for me'. Not listen to what others think I should be doing.
Again, thank you to all of you for your support .....I have been trying to follow the blogs written recently but I have lent my computer to my daughter and am using my sons which is not very reliable - it keeps shutting down and the screen keeps going completely white. I tried to write a blog the other day and just as I was finishing it the computer screen went whacky......(it sort of starts rolling, hard to explain) so I lost all I had written. Hopefully I will get my computer back from my daughter this weekend so will be able to log back onto this site regularly again.
Hope you are all feeling ok for now. Resting up with your cats, looking after the Shingles, coping with tests and vists to doctors and just life in general.
My thoughts are always with you all ....and I love reading your replies to each others blogs.......it is all of you that give me the strength to keep going each day......
love Willow ....xo xo xo