Not where i thought id be
The last few wks have been tough; I've been feeling quite down, even depressed, very angry and finding myself getting very frustrated at myself and others. Seems my memory and cognitive abilities have gone off on a lovely holiday together and have no intention of coming back.
Haven't been sleeping great, feeling very sick, tired and sore..... Bloods came back last Wed showing I was neutropenic, very low red bloods cells too and my platelets were all out of wack. Last wk has sucked limiting what I eat (no fruit, nothing raw) and only having heated or well cooked; spending heaps of time resting or in bed; taking horse sized antibiotics to help me fight a mild yet uncomfortable cold (horrible headaches, aches, pains, sniffing, running nose) and feeling SICK - someties I can feel kinda normal and not like a cancer patient.
So last wk chemo was postponed but bloods were safe enough to progress this wk. I'm half way through my chemo regime and then will have a full ct scan in next month.
Hopefully we will get some good results from this scan and maybe some normality can return to our lives..... Something we both crave so much...... Killing me to watch dan in so much stress, pain and fear actually watching stress make him physically and mentally sick.
Trying to refocus this wk and learn from this rollercoaster ride, to see why I was chosen to fight cancer and how our lives can be made better by this experience. Its hard sometimes to see the positives in such a negative time and place in our lives.....
"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I need to be" Douglas Adam