Meh

johnrp1964's picture

Hi there again computer. Can't sleep so I thought I might as well write another blog entry. Today wasn't such a bad day. Dad came up and helped out around the house and garden for a while. The fiance came over and later on I went round to hers and had dinner. Back pain was quite severe today but I managed to soldier on and ride to the shops and back twice. No diagnosis yet but starting to worry about the back pain and whether its related to cancer or just stress. Worried also that I might be making something out of nothing. What if it's not even cancer. Not coping well emotionally. Started looking at a facebook group on lung cancer and there were just way too many stories of people dying from it. I need to start sharing with other people in person but havent been able to find a support group yet in my area. If I could do one thing right now i would go over to my fiances place and fall asleep in her arms. Even though we'ere engaged I still feel rather alone in this empty house on my own

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Annie333's picture

Re: Meh

Hi John,
hoping your back is better. If not, it may be a twisted lower section. I too thought it may be cancer again but you do feel much better when the results come back or you see a physio etc.. Not knowing is much worse than knowing. Can I also tell you of a friend of mine. Her mother was diagnosed in the 60's with lung cancer. Once she was operated on she was right as rain. Old age caught up with her though. Plus she continued to smoke! Best of luck to you
Annie

johnrp1964's picture

Re: Meh

Hi there Annie and thanks for your reply. Went and saw the chiroprator the other day. He said I had some muscle soreness, quite obviously Smile and that my t9 vertebrae was a bit out of alignment so gave me a gentle cracking (if there is such a thing!) Also gave me a deep massage which relieved it a little as well. Also relieved my wallet of 70$. That hurt me the most. Agree with the not knowing part. I am starting to settle a bit now the biopsy has been done but know I will be in a panic when I go to see my doctor on wednesday. She might have the results by then, she might not but im going there anyway to get another prescription for pain relief anyway. Good to hear that your friends mother survived for a long time after her diagnosis. I gave up smoking 18 months ago when I met my fiance. She didnt want to date a smoker and it was good for my health anyway. Thanks for your best wishes!

John

Annie333's picture

Re: Meh

Best of luck with your visit on Wednesday. Keep us posted Smile
Annie

Rarelyseen's picture

Re: Meh

Hi Meh, it is important you go to your doctor and ask about the back pain, it maybe related or not but worrying about it is probably causing you more stress than knowing what it is,I understand how you feel about being alone, I am married and often feel very alone, even though my husband has been great, maybe starting a group on facebook that has nothing to do with cancer, I have a music page and find it such a relief to just share and listen to music with others and not think about cancer, treatments or doctors for a while is a help, even though most of the people on the page are family and know i am having treatment at the moment we don't talk about it and that has helped me, maybe it can help you too.

SILLY's picture

Re: Meh

Maybe see your gp to get help for the back pain,whether related to cancer or not.
Regarding the computer ,I spend so much time on mine that it is now an essential part of my life. Pre-cancer,I mostly played games .Now it's sites like this ,games and googling anything that I do not know when anyone talks about it.
All the best.

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