How do you feel about this?
I was meeting with a person today, who is most probably terminal with cancer within some weeks or months, and she said that she would like to speak with someone else who has cancer and is in her situation. I suggested she might find someone through a web site like this one. We will explore this avenue together next time we meet.
I found this forum and created my own profile so I could gain experience and knowledge in this (I am older and grey haired and don't find facebook, twitter, MSN, and such like very attractive, so I have a steep learning curve).
Would you feel threatened, as a survivor, or someone in recovery, or someone whose future is uncertain, being asked to discuss your experience and situation with someone who is almost past the limits of medical intervention? Does it help or does it hurt you to connect with others who might be or probably are dying?
I would appreciate your honest replies.
Comments
Re: How do you feel about this?
Hi Expat
I am also older, grey haired, and do not find facebook, twitter, MSN or the like attractive. But I do find this site very useful. I also have terminal cancer, but my oncologist keeps extending my use-by-date. Sometime I feel like a bit of a fraud as I am years past where I should be statistically. I have also been a volunteer with Cancer Connect, which is a telephone peer support group, and have through that spoken to a number of people with advanced cancer. Cancer Connect can be contacted on 13 11 20. People tell me that I am a survivor - I do not regard myself as one as I am not post cancer, I still have it, I guess it all depends on your definition. Through other areas I have often spoken with and maintained on ongoing discussion with people who have advanced cancer, most certainly terminal.
So, yes, I am more than happy to talk with people in that situation.
Cheers
Sailor
Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men have to wait for time and tide. Charles Dickens, Martin Chuzzelwhit
Re: How do you feel about this?
Hi Sailor (was tempted to begin Hello Sailor, but thought that a bit too cheeky),
Thanks for the offer. My friend is likely to want to contact other women, I think. I will get her started tomorrow and she can take it from there.
Since you seem to have a penchant for poetry:
"Look thy last on all things lovely, every hour.
Let no night seal thy sense in deathly slumber,
till to Delight thou hast paid thy utmost blessing.
Since that all things thou wouldst praise, Beauty,
Took from those that loved them, in other days."
or as farmers say more colloquially
"make hay while the sun shines"
Thanks
Re: How do you feel about this?
I do not have a problem at all. Welcome to you and your friend and i hope that you both can get something from the website, i know i have.
Julie
ps ... apologies that at the moment i am unable to offer support as i start radiotherapy next week and travelling again. Not trying to be selfish, just know that i will be very tired from that.
Re: How do you feel about this?
Yes, I feel guilty sometimes too. I had uterine cancer, felt that I had a rough time, but nothing compared to others.
Please feel free to contact me anytime.
Re: How do you feel about this?
Thanks for your comment Bev,
The person I was referring to, in my blog, has uterine cancer and she is beyond treatment now. I am visiting her tomorrow and was going to suggest she access this web site and put her own blog out there for interested participants to contact her directly. She lives in a rural environment and isolation is a real problem for her.
I suppose I could have suggested she do that without asking how people felt about contact with dying patients. Its just that my training is to avoid distress for either party.
I will be recommending this service to my clients in the future, who are struggling to cope with the diagnosis and an uncertain future.
Thank you very much
David
Re: How do you feel about this?
Hi expat. This is a difficult question.
I feel that as a survivor, if I can give any comfort or solace to someone not as fortunate as myself I am happy to do so. Yes it may be difficult for me but I am still far more fortunate than those who may not make it.
I have expressed this feeling before that I can feel simultaneously guilty and thankful about my situation as I have lost 2 very good friends - one just after I finished treatment. We developed a unique bond as we were able to understand what the other was experiencing while others couldn't. we became "chemo buddies".
While, yes, it may hurt, if I can be of help, than I am happy to make contact.
Samex
Re: How do you feel about this?
Hi Samex,
Thank you for your very kind offer. I will be able to log on with my friend and show her the answers I have received. She can then create her own profile and begin talking with you herself. I understand your ambivalent feelings at times, feeling simultaneously guilty and yet thankful to be a survivor.
People turn to me for advice and support in the weeks and months before they expect to die. I listen, offer limited advice, support them as best I can, but I do find myself wondering, if I was terminally ill, whether or not my support would actually be helpful.
Many years ago I nursed and supported someone very close to me through the last six months of her life. For a long time after that my belief was that no one should die alone. Eventually I realised that everybody dies alone; but that I could keep some one company on the journey up to the last few days. I think that is the ethos of the community service I volunteer with. Anyway, it is much in demand and the families are very grateful later.
Each client is a separate story and the amount of support we give is dependent upon the disease progression, their attitude and personal characteristics. So I cannot always be sure if they welcome our involvement. I hope so.
Thank you again for the offer. I will pass it on.