My beloved wife of 24 years, friend, companion and kindred spirit for over 30 years died last Sunday. I knew it was coming but I didn’t expect it to be so quick, so final, and oh so painful.
Less than four weeks is what it took in the end; from the time she was told that the latest treatment wasn’t working, and there was nothing more that could be done, to when she slipped into a coma and drifted away.
She was so brave, never complaining, caring about how the children would cope until the very end. It is so unfair.
God I hate this disease. She did not deserve to die like this. She was such a good person, so caring of others, so generous with her time for those in need, and with no vices that could have contributed to the disease.
This is my last blog. I think my heart would burst if I tried to continue now. To those who offered me support, thank you. And to everyone else on the website I wish you well and trust you and your loved ones have a better outcome than I and my wife experienced.
I know it is a cliché but allow me a final indulgence. W H Auden, better than any poet I know, captures how I presently feel. (I have changed it substituted She for He).
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message 'She is Dead'.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
She was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.