Awareness blinks twice then rubs bleary eyes.
I remember where I am.
Back in this country, in this life
I ran away from all those years ago.
I want to cry but the energy it takes to sit up and get dressed
Has stripped me of the ability to do anything but
Sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the wall.
Lucidity takes an hour to arrive and only the
Whiteboard with directives for the month
Tells me today is a day filled with study.
Recent routines remind me to open blinds,
Turn on the radio and get a banana and juice for breakfast.
The sun is shining outside but I am not.
I don’t want to be here
My life is out of my control, my grip has loosened
and I don’t know how to get it back
And only shadows shall remain.